Who was I kidding!?!

I can't wait until Friday to share our news!

Would a gender reveal party have been so much fun?

Absolutely!

But I just can NOT wait!

I never thought I was a BAD secret keeper but as it turns out...

I CANNOT KEEP THIS SECRET!

So, let me be the first to introduce you to our sweet little PRINCESS...

Emma Makenzie Maness

Just a quick explanation on the name...We decided when we were pregnant 2 years ago that if we had a girl, she would be Samantha Abigail.  Samantha because its similar to Samuel (Allen's first name...) and Abigail because of one of his former students, Abigail Faulk that he absolutely fell in love with on her first day of Kindergarten at ZC.  AND....we have this whole initial thing that we've been shooting for.  You see my birth name is Andrea Nicole Domizio and Allen's is Samuel Allen Maness.  Now, call me weird but when we were dating I noticed that both of our initials were the first 3 letters in both our first names.  ANDrea and SAMuel.  I thought that was a sign that we were MEANT for each other!  :)  So all along the way we have toyed with using the same "pattern" for our kids.  Once we decided that our last baby was going to be "Baby Cam" we sort of "saved" Samantha Abigail for our second child.  Well 2 years later, I still really like the name but I came up with Emma too.  Why Emma???  Well, have I ever mentioned how obsessed we are with the nineties sitcom "Friends"?  You got it!  Ross and Rachel's daughter's name was Emma.  I've always loved it and at the beginning of this pregnancy we were throwing names around one night in bed while watching "Friends" and it hit me!  I'm even INSISTENT that our sweet Emma have the big E on her bedroom wall like in the show!  So, where did Makenzie come from?  Well, fortunately the third letter in EmMa is an M...for Maness of course.  Which brings us to the second M which needed to be the letter that her middle name started with.  If you know me very well you know very quickly who my MOST FAVORITE 2 people in the whole world are!  #1...my hubby...but running a close #2 is my baby sister, Kasee "Makenzie".  Isn't it nice how easily that worked out!?!  I am so excited...you might say I am tickled PINK!

So there you have it!  Allen will just have to wait on his ballplayer for now.  Did he "want" a boy?  Of course...but hey, we're 100% cool with an AU cheerleader instead of ballplayer.  That's right.  It's tutus and pompoms for us!  On the way home I asked him if he knew just how many dance recitals he would be attending in the coming years!  We are just thrilled.  We have been officially warned by a good friend though that girls are expensive.  I turned our finances over to Allen this month to relieve some unnecessary stress from myself.  WELL...I'm thinking it's already time to reverse that decision.  :)

One quick disclaimer...we are not 100% certain Emma's a girl...but it's like this...none of us could see anything that "looked" like a boy.  ;)  We go back July 27th for another ultrasound which will give us the go ahead to start painting EVERYTHING PINK!  Until then, I'll just be saving my receipts.

Happy 4th everyone!



Sugar and Spice OR Snips and Snails?

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice?

OR

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails?

What will Baby M2 be made of?

15 weeks, 4 days and counting...

We go to the doctor tomorrow and...FINGERS CROSSED...will find out if Molly and me or Lutz and Allen will take the lead in the gender wars in the Maness house.  We are still a little early to find out but my pregnancy app on my Droid told me last Wednesday if we were having an ultrasound any time soon we MIGHT be able to find out Baby M2's gender.  Allen is SURE its a boy...I was sure of a girl until the last ultrasound when I swore the tech was about to tell us it was a boy.  Call me crazy but it "looked" like a boy already.  :)  Of course in the end we will be thrilled either way.  I told another coach's wife last week that we weren't wishing for anyone in particular.  The way I see it, we will end up with a cheerleader or ballplayer...either way it will be just what we want!

The new challenge in our house (the old being actually "making" the baby) is agreeing on a name.  We have 1 full girl name that we like and a first name for a girl without a middle name.  We have 1 full boy name that we like and I, I, I have another full boy name that I, I, I like.  Did you get that I have a name that I like...Allen not so much???  Ughhh...he just irrates me sometimes. :)  I keep reminding him of all the things in our marriage that I have suggested and he didn't agree with that he later realized to be the right decision BUT he is still bucking my boy name.  He keeps reminding me that I loved the first boy name to begin with...round and round we go.  Baby names are ALWAYS the topic of conversation anytime we get in the car for a trip.  I really want Baby M2 to have a name when we find out the gender.  Any suggestions???  For a girl we want something really girlie.  And for a boy we want something really athletic.  Here's a very funny AND very TRUE story...

At basketball camp this summer we've been yelling out boy names, acting like we're pulling for someone...just to see how the name "sounds".

I know, I know....we're pathetic but dang...our kid is going to be stuck with this name for life.  I finally told Allen today that I wish babies already came with a name.  Its like you're in the delivery room, you have the baby, and the doctor says, "Congratulations...meet your son/daughter...fillintheblank."  It sure would make this a LOT easier.  LOL!  Actually, I love the whole bantering about picking out a name...if I could just get Allen to cooperate.  :)  In the end, I know I will be happy with whatever we choose.  I just have a really hard time being patient.

One last thing about Baby M2.  We're taking a poll on what our friends and family think the gender is...cast your vote on either of our Facebooks.  I'm going to keep a running tally so we can see who is right!  So exciting!!!

In unrelated baby news...

Where has the first month of summer gone???  Oh that's right, to cheerleading and basketball practices and camps!  Really though we have enjoyed our summer so far!  Allen has attended 3 basketball camps and countless practices.  We're very optimistic about Carroll High School basketball this year.  We have the potential for a really good season!  I can't wait to cheer on the Eagles!  And cheerleading has been great too!  We only had 9 practices before summer camp but believe me we packed in AS MUCH AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE to those practices!  My girls worked super hard and I'm excited about the year ahead of us.  Do the girls hate me at times?  (That's a retorical question!) :) But have they become super awesome? Oh yeah!  We attended a new camp this summer in Columbus, GA.  It was still UCA but it was a stunt/performance camp.  We learned lots of new cool stunts and transitions and brought home the 2nd place trophy for camp champs.  Of course, I felt like we were robbed but I have to remind myself that I am just a little bias.  All in all I think my squad this year is THE BOMB!  Great make up of personalities and wonderful senior leadership! Can't wait to see what the year holds for basketball and cheerleading!

In conclusion...PLEASE don't ask us Baby M2's gender after our appointment tomorrow!  We are planning a gender reveal party for our families this weekend and I just don't think I can stand to keep the secret if asked!  LOL!  Help a mama out! ;)



The Dirt is in the DETAILS

13 weeks and counting...

We have had the best week sharing our news about baby M2 with the world! We are totally overwhelmed by all the congratulations and well wishes.  I haven't responded personally to many of the remarks because I knew it was IMPOSSIBLE to thank each of you enough for the prayers that have been sent up on our behalf.  So, from the Manesses to the world...

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

We have never felt so loved before!  And believe me, when I say it was the hardest secret for any of us to keep...it truly was!  After all the support we received from family, friends, and complete strangers when we lost baby Cam we felt like we owed it to everybody to keep you updated on the progress of our family.  I like to say that my life is an "open book".  "What you see is what you get."  Unfortunately, we needed to keep baby M2 a secret until we were in the clear of losing "him" like we did baby Cam...which brings us to now...and opening our lives back up for all to know and hopefully take something from.

So, I said last week I would write more details about baby M2 later.  I guess now is as good of time as any. 

First of all I need to give a BIG shout out to Mrs. Krissy Pinckard for leading us to Dr. Keith Gentry in Montgomery.  When we were given the run-around in Dothan about baby Cam we called our dear friend Krissy and she found us a doctor who would see us immediately to give us a clear diagnosis about baby Cam's progress.  Even after the heartbreak, we continued to see Dr. Gentry because we fell in love with him.

So, a little over a year went by from November 2010 until when we were finally ready to give baby making another shot around January 2012.  Dr. Gentry wanted us to try a couple rounds of Clomid before we dove in to the heavier fertility meds again...Here's a side note...I was always very frustrated that our previous fertility specialist had never tried us on Clomid.  She always said there was no need and that it would cause me to have really large cysts...Anyway, Dr. Gentry gave us three prescriptions to take over a three month period.  The first month we (I use the word "we" instead of "I" because believe me....Allen may not have had to literally take the meds but he had to endure the wrath of the side effects! :) Another reason I think I am married to the greatest man in the WHOLE world!) were to take 50 mg of Clomid.  If that was unsuccessful, the next month we would take 100 mg, and the following month 150 mg (which is a pretty high dosage)...back to the side note for a sec...I didn't have a SINGLE cyst the entire time we were on Clomid...imagine that...Anyway, we made it up to the third month and the dosage of 150 mg after having no success with the 50 and 100.  That put us taking the 150 dosage the second week of March.  We were scheduled for Spring Break the 4th week in March.  (In the beginning of this journey I kept up with my cycle EVERY month and could tell you at any given point what "day" I was on.  After 7 x 12 months...that's 84 cycles...give or take a few...I stopped counting somewhere along the way.)  So, I hadn't yet figured out that we would be on Spring Break during our window of ovulation.  We hadn't made a single plan for Spring Break until the weekend before.  The weather was BEAUTIFUL and we were working on getting the pool in summer condition.  Out of the blue I told A..."We have GOT to go the the beach.  I don't care if we can't buy groceries for a month...but I cannot sit here for a week in this beach weather and do NOTHING."  So, I found us a cheap hotel in Ft. Walton Beach and we set off the next Sunday for 3 nights of fun...just me and my beau.  Somewhere between those two weekends we put 2 and 2 together and realized we would be "beaching it up" during the exact 3 days of peak ovulation.  Man, I couldn't have planned it better myself!  And if you know me, you know I'm a pretty good planner. :)  So, we hit Spring Break 2012 with 2 goals:  RELAX & MAKE A BABY!

We did our best at BOTH tasks.  We spent the first day out in the sun...too much...and the second two days under an umbrella...but all three were spent with our toes in the sand...just like I like it!  I even got to read a really good book in those 3 days.  "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"...kind of strange but really good.  At night we were out on the town.  We ate at a new restaurant called Bottom Feeders (I had the best shrimp pasta dish.) and finished off our trip with a date to our FAVORITE restaurant Dewey Destin.  All in all it was a short but WONDERFUL get-away.

Fast forward to Wednesday, April 11th.  Once I had figured out our ovulation dates I couldn't help but calculate my Day 1 of the next cycle.  When April 11th rolled around with no sign of a monthly visitor I headed straight to Wal-Mart after school for a pregnancy test.  Straight from WM to highway 27, and straight to our bathroom for the test.  Keep in mind I have taken 100s of these things and always managed to fail them...However, this day was different.  Different from all the F's in the past, but also different from the positive test with baby Cam.  Directly after I took the test with baby Cam I went about my chores preparing for a shower.  This time I stared at that little white stick praying as hard as possible for 2 pink lines.  I know its kind of gross but I watched the yellow creep across the window for what seemed like 5 minutes.  And then...out of nowhere...there it was.  That 2nd pink line that I had prayed so hard for, for SOOOOO many years.  I had to bring the test closer to my eyes to make sure I wasn't imagining things.  (Here's a funny note-everything has been so perfect this time I keep thinking that it may all be a dream or that I am living in a fantasy world.  I have to remind myself, or get Allen to remind me, that he too has SEEN and HEARD our sweet miracle and that if I was "making this up" ...which I think I am sometimes...surely he would snap me back to reality.  I never considered myself a "dreamer" but this has got me wondering...)

On to the task of telling my "baby daddy" the news.  Allen was at basketball practice but I could NOT hold it in!  I loaded our 2 fury babies up and headed for CHS.  I parked across the street and nearly broke my neck trying to hold back the excitement as I strolled in to practice as if I didn't have a care in the world.  I told Allen I needed to talk to him outside.  Surprisingly he followed without hesitation.  Usually when I interrupt practice I get the "evil eye".  I didn't want to share the news with him right outside the gym so I made him follow me all the way across the street and around to the front of the car.  I didn't say anything...instead pulled out that little white stick that held 2 pink lines.  He got the sweetest grin on his face.  "Can you believe it?", I said.  We simply hugged outside, across the street from Carroll High School.  There was no shouting from excitement this time...just a quiet, beautiful moment filled with joy, fear, and anticipation for our second journey in to parenthood.  For those brief minutes, we were the only ones on the block...or in the world for that matter.  Was this really happening?  Was God blessing us again?  We couldn't believe it and didn't know how we would face the next few weeks that last time turned in to pure hell.  What we did know was that we had been through the fire before and come out stronger.  Stronger individuals but more importantly a stronger couple.  Together, with God's help, we were ARE going to bring this baby in to this world!  Together we can do ANYTHING!

Just call us the "Dream Team".  :)  That's us.

A Year in the CRAZY Lives "At Home With The Manesses"

WOW! Has it really been nearly a year since I have sat down to collect my thoughts in a blog!?!

The last time I wrote it was to commemorate the “to-be” birth date of our precious baby Cam.  I wrote then that I hoped to return to our blog when little footsteps padded our hallways. As I awoke this morning and lay in our bed my mind started racing with how much our lives have changed in the past year and suddenly I decided I am ready to get back to sharing our CRAZY lives with the world again!

So my challenge for today’s blog is to catch you up on ALL that has happened “At Home With The Manesses” in the past year. Like my good friend Hope, I love to make lists…so here goes.

1.       Another school year has come and gone.  Allen took on a new adventure as the PE teacher at Thompkins Early Childhood Center and I taught math in the charter Freshmen Academy at CHS. This school year was filled with lots of highs and lows. To fill you in on the most recent event; we lost our head football coach and dear friend, Stacey Watters, in a tragic car accident 2 weeks ago. As we attended his funeral I realized how much coaching bonds us together. It’s like we're all part of this great fraternity. I am currently helping organize a memorial service for Coach Watters to be held this Friday night in Eagle Stadium at 7:30 p.m. It should prove to be truly a celebration of life and remembrance of the legacy that Coach Watters left to us in his short time at Carroll High School. 

2.       We had another tragic lose in our home this year.  Our American Bulldog/Bird dog mix, Christian was involved in a car accident as well.  It happened in October and it was really hard for us all, especially Allen.  Christian had been part of this family even before I came along.  He was the best dog we have ever had.  We think about him all the time.

In November we took on the challenge of getting a new puppy.  He is a full-blooded American Bulldog and his name is Christian’s Brother Lutzenkirchen, or “Lutz” for short. WOW! This is the first time I have raised a puppy and Lutz is holding nothing back in breaking me in. He has peed, pooped, and eaten through the laundry room wall (literally) and his share of toys and furniture. He is now 9 months old and is finally catching on to our crazy lives. We love him SO much…and so does Molly!

3.       With all the lose we have experienced in the past year we have a secret….

WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!

That’s right. After 7 years of trying, Allen and I are pregnant...again. We’re calling him Baby M2.  We don’t know the gender yet but my Memama says proper etiquette is to call it a "him" until we find out. Baby M2 is expected to be here December 19, 2012.

I promise to write more about our miracle in later blogs but for now here are a few short details: we are 12 weeks today and have known for about 8 weeks. This has been the HARDEST secret to keep; for me, Allen and OUR PARENTS! They’re so excited that we are finally sharing the news! We went to the doctor Monday and have been mostly cleared of any chance of losing him like we did Baby Cam. We feel so blessed! We have truly felt the prayers and thoughts sent our way over the years. We are so excited for Christmas time! Can you believe it!?! A Christmas baby! Wow God works in amazing ways!

To conclude today’s blog I have written my own twist on the Christmas story “T’was the Night Before Christmas”. It may be a little corny but deep down…that’s me.  I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for updates on our EVER INCREASING crazy lives “At Home With The Manesses”!

T’will be the week before Christmas, when all through our house,

Not a creature will be stirring, not a dog, nor a mouse.

The stockings will be hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that our miracle will soon be here.

When out from our bedroom will arise such a clatter,

And Allen will spring from the bed because he will KNOW what is the matter.

Away to our phones we will fly with a flash,

Tearing out of the bed with no regard for the sash.

“Call Mama D, Call Big Daddy, Call Aunt Kasee too!

Call Nana, Call Papa, Call Aunt Vicki and her crew!

Call Pop, Call Yiayia, Call Uncle Joe!

Tell them to HURRY, we now must go!” 

We will need a driver, very lively and quick,

But no need to call Santa, my Allen will do just the trick.

We’ll head north on ‘ole trusty 231,

For in the next few hours I will be ready to deliver this bun.

And then in a twinkling we will hear Dr. Gentry shout,

“Meet baby M2, he/she is beautiful, no doubt!”.

We will cry, we will laugh, we will shout with joy,

And then we will wonder what to do with our new Christmas toy.

He/she will be chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And we will laugh when we see him/her, in spite of our selves.

A wink of his/her eye and a twist of his/her head,

Soon will give us to know, we have nothing to dread.

For 7 years ago God promised us this child,

But He never said when, or that our journey would be mild.

He only assured us that we would indeed be blessed,

And that one day we would hold our own little miracle to our chests.

We will now take on new roles, other than husband and wife,

Our days will be different, we will be starting a great new life.

For I will always cherish the first eight years of just 2,

But now as a family of 3, I am ready for our journey anew.

After a few short days we will return to our "new" norm,

We will snuggle by the fire and keep our precious child warm.

But we will never forget what God told us as we drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to the Manesses, and to their miracle, a good-night.”

The Journey That Defines Us (Part 6 of 6)

October 15, 2010-November 22, 2010:  The most wonderfully terrifying 5 weeks of our lives.

After we found out we were pregnant, our everyday lives changed completely.  We were filled with emotional ups and downs that I never dreamed possible.  We scheduled our first doctor’s appointment for Tuesday, October 19^th.  They did blood work and an ultrasound.  We were still too early to see anything on the ultrasound and my HCG level was 256…pretty low.  Nonetheless the nurse put me on prenatal vitamins and wanted to do more blood work on Thursday.  We would be looking for a double of the HCG levels every 2 days or so.  On Thursday my HCG level was 580.  I was so excited when I got the number I went to Allen’s school and took him a small piece of paper with the number on it folded up.  When I found him I didn’t say anything, just handed him the paper.  When he opened it the biggest smile crossed his face.  He hugged me and it felt like we were the only people in the gym.

Although I was a little apprehensive at first, later that night we celebrated like most married people do…and loved every minute of it!  This was also the day that we announced to the world…via Facebook of course…that a miracle had taken place in the Maness family.  Here is the post I put on Facebook: 

“If you ever needed a reason to believe in miracles...here's one for you! After 5 years, 4 surgeries, 5 failed artificial inseminations and 1 failed in vitro fertilization...Allen and I are going to be parents...and the best news of all is that this baby was not created by doctors' hands...but by the one true giver of life...GOD ALMIGHTY! Baby Maness will be here the end of June! Thank you for all the prayers that were sent up to Heaven on our behalf. God knew the plans that He had for Allen and me, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future!” October 21, 2010 at 8:25pm

I had 50 “likes” and 59 “comments” on that status…and more wall posts, texts and phone calls than anyone would be able to count.  That night was one of the most memorable in this journey that we are on.  It was so exciting to be able to share God’s miracle over and over with our friends and to know that so many people were genially happy for us.  God is amazing!

The next morning, I got up at 5:30 to get ready for school and when I went to the bathroom I was horrified to find that I had a significant bleed.  I called the doctor’s office immediately and was told there wasn’t much that could be done so soon in to the pregnancy.  I was also told that the doctor that I had seen just the day before could not see me but the on-call doctor would call me back if I wanted to leave a message.  Did I want to leave a message?  Did I want to leave a message?  Are you kidding me?  Of course I wanted to leave a message…better yet; if they would have given me the doctor’s number I would call him myself.  Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.  I left a message and lay in my closet floor crying my eyes out for what seemed like an eternity.  Finally the doctor called me back and I confessed that Allen and I had made love the night before.  He seemed to think that was the cause of the bleed and told me that if I wanted to come in to appease my fears that he would work me in.  We called my mom and she came and went with us to see the on-call doctor.  They did an HCG level check and he did a vaginal exam.  My HCG came back 750 (almost right on target) but during the vaginal exam the doctor found tissue that he was almost sure was fetal and told us that we were likely having a miscarriage.  We were devastated!  The doctor put me on bed rest until Monday when he told me to come back in.  In the mean time they were going to send the tissue to the lab to see exactly what it was.  When we left the doctor’s office I was in total shock.  I sat in the back of the car as Allen drove and my mother rode up front and could not hold back the tears.  Everything I had ever wanted was being ripped out of me and there was nothing anyone could do to prevent it.  When we got home Allen put a mattress in the living room floor for me and we camped out there the entire weekend.  My mom went home just long enough to pick up my dad and they came back and fed us dinner.  They also came back Saturday and Sunday to just be with us and to help out if we needed anything.

Monday finally came and we headed back to the doctor awaiting news that would make or break our future.  It turned out to be a GREAT day!  My HCG level was 1916 (low but still on the rise) and we finally saw the yolk sack that was going to be where our baby would spend the next eight months.  We also got the first pictures of our baby and found out that the tissue that the doctor had pulled from me the Friday before contained ZERO fetal tissue!  We were overjoyed.  This was also the day that we named our child…Baby Cam.  You see, from day 1, we were convinced that we would be having a baby boy.  When we got the ultrasound pic, Allen took a picture of it with his phone and sent it to my dad and his parents with the description “Baby Cam”.  The name stuck from there and we later agreed upon Camden Allen Maness…or Cam for short.  Here is my Facebook post that summarizes the pure joy we felt that day:

“Thank you for all the prayers and congratulations! I have been a little hesitant about posting any news this weekend because I woke up Friday morning with significant cramping and bleeding. We went to the doctor immediately. He told us to be hopeful but signs were pointing to a miscarriage. He put me on bedrest through the weekend. We went back to the doctor this morning and once again God prevailed!  We finally saw our miracle with our own eyes via ultrasound. Today the doctor said everything looked normal and healthy! My blood work was right on target also. Our little "Cammy" (that's what Allen is calling him) is scheduled to arrive on June 28th. That's Allen's mom's birthday. We are so excited and feel so loved by our friends, family and Eternal Father!” October 25, 2010 at 12:23pm

What an amazing day!  Our next appointment was scheduled for a week later.  The entire next week we lived in pure bliss…planning the future that would be ours.  A summer baby…perfect timing…now if only we could figure out a way for me to stay home with Baby Cam…. J Oh the joys of planning for a baby!

We went back to the doctor on Monday, November 1^st.  The ultrasound was first.  We were of course still on cloud nine.  We had no idea what was in store for us…the ultrasound tech could not find the heartbeat and insisted that by now we should be seeing more growth.  She sent us to meet with our doctor and yet again we were hit with a diagnosis of probable miscarriage.  We only thought it was hard to hear the first time…this time we had had a little over a week to make plans and begin to love, pray over and sing to our sweet Baby Cam.  This could not be happening!  Again, we headed home not sure what to do.  I couldn’t go to school the next day.  We had a decision to make…do nothing and let our baby die or fight.  Not sure how to fight I wallowed in sorrow until our parents took over.  They insisted we get a second opinion.  My mom called in favors to everyone she knew until we finally found someone to see us on Tuesday.  We headed to Montgomery to meet with Dr. Jason K. Gentry.  Everyone in his office had apparently been briefed on our situation and welcomed us with loving arms.  We went in immediately for an ultrasound.  We didn’t know what to expect.  One day everything was going great and the next was pure hell.  I lay on the table and just starred up at the ceiling praying for a miracle.  From out of nowhere there was a flicker on the screen.  The ultrasound tech didn’t say anything but measured the flicker very carefully and printed some images to take to Dr. Gentry.  We were instructed to wait outside his office.  When he finally called us in Allen and I took the seats in front of his desk while mom stood behind us.  His first words…and I’ll remember them for as long as I live…were “Well, you have NOT had a miscarriage.”  He proceeded to tell us that yes, everything pointed to a miscarriage but indeed our baby was still alive.  As a matter of fact, the flicker that was on the screen was our baby’s heart beat.  Here is my Facebook post from the day after that appointment.  It best describes the state of emotion that we were in that day.

“Baby Cam Update: Prayers Needed! After a roller coaster of doctor appointments and emotions running high and low we finally saw our baby’s heartbeat yesterday. However, it is VERY slow. Only 82 bpm. Our first doctor could never find a heartbeat and told us Monday that we were probably headed towards a miscarriage. After encouragement from both Allen’s mom and my mom, we decided to seek out a second opinion.  Yesterday we went to Montgomery and after lots of searching, there is was. Only a small flicker but it was definitely there. Unfortunately the second doctor gave the same probable diagnosis of miscarriage. However, I will not and cannot believe this is how God’s miracle is going to end.  Isaiah 14:24 says “The Lord Almighty has sworn, surely as I have planned so it will be and as I purposed so it will stand.”  We are confident that God would not give us this miracle baby and then take it away in only a few short weeks.  We need prayers!  Please pray that our baby’s heartbeat continues to grow stronger each day.  He is fighting for his life and we need help in begging God for yet another miracle.  We go back to the doctor in Montgomery on Monday.  One way or another we will know the outcome them.”  November 3, 2010 6:04 pm

When we left the doctor’s office Wednesday we were scheduled to go back for yet another ultrasound the following Monday.

“Baby Cam Update: God answers prayers! As soon as we started the U/S this morning God's power was evident. Our little miracle has grown so much in the past week! We got to hear his heartbeat which is up to 128! Please continue to pray! Back to the doc in 2 weeks.”   November 8, 2010 at 10:09am

Fast forward 2 days to Wednesday.  I’m standing up teaching graphing linear equations.  It’s the beginning of 3^rd block and my kids are doing great with this ordinarily difficult concept.  I’m on a role when I get this sudden sensation that I need to use the restroom.  Since my kids are doing so well I hate to leave in the middle of the explanation.  I stand up from sitting on my stool and try to make it to lunch.  After a few minutes I’m convinced that I have wet my clothes so I excuse myself to the restroom while my kids are working on a problem.  When I sit down on the toilet I am horrified to find a bleed way worse than the first one at the beginning of the pregnancy.  And not only was I bleeding but I passed a mass about the size of a plum.  Devastated I went back to the classroom, grabbed my purse and informed my special education co-teacher that I had to leave.  I hurried by the office and told them I HAD to get to the doctor immediately.  I called Allen on my way out.  He met me at home and we were on our way to Montgomery in fear of what was happening for what seemed like the 100^th time in the last few weeks.  As soon as we got there Amy, Dr. Gentry’s nurse, did an ultrasound.  She saw a pool of blood in my uterus but it was below Baby Cam.  And actually, she found his heartbeat very easily.  Not only did we see his heartbeat this day, but we got to HEAR it also.  It was amazing!  After we finished that ultrasound and Amy took the pics to Dr. Gentry to review he wanted to do another ultrasound to see the bleed for himself.  So here we go, vaginal ultrasound #2, all in the same day.  To be honest, I wouldn’t have minded having one EVERYDAY if it meant we got to see and hear Baby Cam…  Finally Dr. Gentry sent us home to another couple of days of bed rest and a follow-up appointment scheduled for November 22^nd.

Other than the inability to sleep, horrible back pains and uncomfortable constipation (gross but true J), the next week was pretty uneventful.  I was convinced that we were over the scary thought of losing our miracle baby and was what I guess you would call a normal pregnant woman…still on cloud 9 of course.  Here are a couple of my Facebook posts from that week.

“A day of bed rest wouldn't be bad if I could actually sleep. Waiting on Allen to bring me some pancakes and sausage...I'm going to be as big as a house before Baby Cam gets here!”  November 11, 2010 at 7:51am

“Ready for this Cam Newton scandal to be over! Don't get me wrong...I love AU football but hates how much my husband is obsessed with it!”     November 11, 2010 at 7:30pm

“Carroll JV over Headland JV 44-42! Way to go Eagles!”   November 16, 2010 at 6:46pm

“Please pray for baby Cam today. Satan is the devil of worry and fear and he is attacking me this morning.”

 November 18, 2010 at 7:29am

“Misses my ZC babies!”  November 18, 2010 at 10:33pm

“Finally.......a break! Out for the entire week of Thanksgiving. Woohoo!”  November 19, 2010 at 3:51pm

“Carroll JV is on a roll! 2-1!”   November 19, 2010 at 5:32pm 

“So excited to say that my size small clothes are no longer fitting!”   November 20, 2010 at 10:35am

So, we were out the entire week of November 22-26 for Thanksgiving break.  We had a basketball game against Slocomb on Friday, November 19^th.  We planned to head to Camden the next day to spend the weekend with Allen’s family since we would have to miss Thanksgiving with them because of the Thanksgiving Basketball Tournament.  Saturday was a good day full of family time.  I remember that at some point in the day, the only people home were Allen’s mom, myself, and our niece Ella Kate.  EK was worn out from a morning of playing with Uncle Allen and crashed in my lap.  As she slept there with her head on my chest I prayed about holding Baby Cam just like that in 7 months.  I was 8 weeks 2 days by then.  Life was surreal.

The next morning we got up and got ready to head to Allen’s parent’s church.  We were excited about spending the morning with a church family that had been praying for us since day 1 of this journey five years ago.  I took a shower, put my makeup on and fixed my hair and was about to change in to my church clothes when I started cramping slightly.  I immediately headed for the restroom and of course…I was spotting.  Not like the other 2 significant bleeds that I had in the previous weeks but enough to freak me out.  I told Allen and he and I decided that we should stay home from church.  I crawled in Allen’s parent’s bed to spend the day.  After church, one of the ladies from Camden Church of God, Mrs. Sue Kitzinger, came and prayed over me and Baby Cam.  She was convinced that this incident would end just like all the previous scares from the past 8 weeks and that on June 28^th we would be having a healthy miracle baby.  I wanted to believe her so badly.  I called Dr. Gentry that afternoon (He had given us his cell phone number in case we needed him any time day or night.)  Since we were already scheduled to see him the next day we decided to try to make it through the night in Camden. 

Around 8 o’clock that night I began to pass blood clots.  We called Dr. Gentry back and he told us that truly there was nothing that could be done.  If we absolutely could not make it through the night we could head to the ER in Montgomery but again, there was really nothing that could be done.  After spending an hour in Hell I had had enough.  I didn’t care if they couldn’t do anything but I could not sit around and do nothing to save Baby Cam.  I had to do SOMETHING!  Around 9 o’clock we called my parents and headed to the Jackson Hospital ER in Montgomery.  My parents would meet us there.

Mom and dad got there before us and by the time I got checked in and in a room it was almost midnight.  We saw the ER doctor, who I did NOT like, and he said that an ultrasound tech would be coming to do an ultrasound shortly.  After what seemed like an eternity an older woman came in with an ultrasound machine that looked to be about the same age as her.  As she did the ultrasound she didn’t say much.  I of course asked questions and she of course refused to answer them.  I did notice that she measured Baby Cam and the measurement came out 8 weeks 3 days…exactly on target!  We did not see a heartbeat but come on…on the machine she was using you could hardly make out anything.  She left and told us that the doctor would be back to see us in a few minutes.  When the doctor returned he told us that he was sure “the baby”…I hated hearing that phrase because to us, he was already Baby Cam…had already miscarried and there was nothing that we could do.  I was in pure shock…and disbelief.  It was a mistake.  This had happened too many times already and I would NOT give up just like that.  We shared the news with mom and dad, paid the $200something copay and headed to Troy to stay the night before our appointment with Dr. Gentry the next morning.  I was convinced that everything was okay and an ultrasound on Dr. Gentry’s new and updated machine would prove that the ER doctor and ultrasound tech didn’t have a clue in prenatal medicine.

As dawn arrived on Monday, November 22, 2010, I prayed continuously for good news at our 11 o’clock appointment.  I had no idea what God had in store for us, but I was sure of one thing…whatever it was, HE would be with us.

“Believing God.”     November 22, 2010 at 10:46am

Believing God.  That’s what I was doing.  As I lay on the ultrasound table starring at the ceiling I prayed one thing…”Save Our Baby”.  Amy started the ultrasound and as I watched the screen I became suddenly aware of a new club that we were joining…the “We’ve Lost A Child” club.  No, we had never held our sweet Baby Cam in our arms…and yes, we had only spent the last 8 weeks and 4 days with him, but he was ours.  Our child.  Our MIRACLE.  Our hearts.  He was the center of our lives…already. Amy didn’t have to say a word. Over the past 5 weeks we had become expert ultrasound readers.  The screen was blank.  No trace of even what we had seen in the ER only 11 hours earlier.  Baby Cam was no longer in this world; he was already in the arms of our Father.  Amy excused herself and Allen and I held each other like we had never before.  I cried of course…but not as I had imagined myself crying if our journey ever came to this.  I was too broken to cry…crying wouldn’t bring back Baby Cam…our baby.  Before we left the doctor’s office we met with Dr. Gentry and he discussed several things with us…causes, tests to determine causes, medicine to take for pain, future plans for children and a list of other things that now are a blur.

The next thing I remember was being in the backseat of mom’s pathfinder headed home without our sweet baby.  All at once this feeling came over me…a feeling that said that I could NOT wallow in my sorrows.  My son was with his Heavenly Father.  Neither he nor God wanted us to spend the next week in the dungeon of a dark house.  I texted Allen because I was not ready to share my next thoughts with my mom just yet.  I needed to get away.  It was Thanksgiving week and we had a basketball tournament and a day of spending time with the extended family just around the corner.  I was not ready to see or talk to anyone but Allen, the only person that felt the exact lose that I did.  We dropped mom off in Troy and headed home to Ozark.  We decided to leave town immediately.  We wanted to go somewhere we had never been before.  We settled on Biloxi, MS.  Cheap hotels, the ocean, and lots of life…exactly what we needed.  My parents had a hard time seeing it through our eyes but they agreed to keep Molly and Christian for us.  Allen did a little finagling and got out of coaching in the basketball tournament.  We left town about 5 o’clock that afternoon and headed west.  Biloxi was a time of healing that we needed.  We had been through the most heartbreaking and tiring 5 and a half weeks of our lives and we needed to find our way back to a “normal” life for us.  We somewhat succeeded.  Biloxi will always be a special place to us…the place where we said goodbye to our son.

“After 8 short weeks of one miracle after the next, God has decided to take our miracle baby back to spend eternity with Him in Heaven. We will always hold this angel in our hearts. Thank you for all the prayers that were sent up on our behalf. I still believe God is in the miracle making business.”  November 22, 2010 at 4:39pm

November 23, 2010-present:  Life without after Baby Cam.

No matter how great a lose…life goes on.  We returned home from Biloxi on Thanksgiving Day to the cruel fact that life was going on all around us even though our world had been spun off its axis 4 days earlier.  We had Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to recoup and headed back to school on Monday morning and back to basketball on Tuesday.  Of course there were the questions that we had to answer but with God’s help we survived.  I turned to my outlet of writing and started this blog.  Ironically, it has taken me 7 months to complete.  Right now I am 20 days from the due date of sweet Baby Cam.  For Christmas 2010 I had 3 Baby Cam ornaments made for my mom, Allen’s mom and myself by my precious sorority sister, Melissa McCord Amos.  I wrote a note for us to go with the ornaments.  I wasn’t sure I was going to share the note with everyone but they say there is power is sharing so why hold back now, right?

WE Will Never Forget

In several years, even months or weeks, to most, our sweet Baby Cam will be forgotten.  Sure people will remember when specifically called to their attention that we, after 5 years of fertility medications, finally conceived and then lost a child.  Most people may also forget that this child was not given to us by the hands of an earthly doctor, but by the miracle working hands of The Great Physician.

WE, however, will never forget the wonderful eight and a half weeks that we had to praise God over this miracle baby.  We dreamed about what the future would hold for us as a family and spent many sleepless nights praying for God’s hand of protection over him as he grew in his mommy’s tummy.

Unfortunately for us, but to Baby Cam’s benefit, God chose to have this angel join Him in Heaven before ever being born in to our arms.  Although the hurt is still as fresh as the morning dew and seems to never fade, we are comforted in the fact that our sweet child will never shed a tear or feel the sting of a broken heart.  Instead, He will forever be rejoicing side by side with Jesus Christ.

Yes, Baby Cam may fade in most people’s minds, but to us he will always be our first child, our first grandchild, or our third grandchild.  Other than God Almighty, no one will ever love him like his mother and grandmothers.

For now, our journey is on hold.  We have dabbed back in to some fertility medicines but nothing major.  Currently, I am not taking anything.  I of course, hope for a child every month, but do not look for it to happen any time soon.  We have revisited the adoption thought a lot recently but have agreed that maybe we should wait for job security.  Before fall 2010 we were parents at heart, waiting on God to give us our child.  Now, we are parents to a child that God thought to be so special that he took to be with Him forever.  That is the thought that gets me through the hard days.  Baby Cam is alive, not in this world, but in a world that has roads of gold and gates made of pearls….Pearls….the birthstone for the month of June, Baby Cam’s birth month.  When we returned home from Biloxi we bought me a white gold necklace with a single pearl.  Baby Cam’s pearl.  I have not taken it off since the day I got it.  One day I will give it to Baby Cam’s sister or brother.  For now, it’s the one thing that I feel like I can hold to feel him.  Him.  Our miracle.  Our child.  Our pride and joy. Our little tiger.  Our angel.  Our sweet Baby Cam.

Over the past 7 months I have shed uncountable tears…but I am healing.  In the first few months after releasing Baby Cam to God I had a couple of dreams about him.  And I still often day dream about Baby Cam’s life.  These last few thoughts include some of my day dreams about the kind of person that Baby Cam would have been.  I hope it doesn’t freak you out…

 Baby Cam looks just like his daddy.  I imagine that to my dismay he likes to go everywhere barefoot, like his dad did when he was a child.  He of course is an athlete and his daddy is his coach and his mom his biggest cheerleader.  He plays the piano and loves to fish and hunt with his Aunt Kasee.  He is spoiled rotten by his Mama D, Big Daddy, Poppa, Nana, Pop and YiYa.  He grows up to have the height of his Pop and of course goes to AU.  Allen and I live through him.  He is smart and outgoing like his mama and kind and handsome like his daddy.  He loves on his mama, even when he’s grown and his daddy is his best friend.  He is our son…our pride and joy.  Our first child.

The Journey That Defines Us (Part 5 of 6)

Year 6:  After our failed IVF cycle we were drained…drained emotionally and financially.  Further fertility treatments seemed to be nowhere in our future.  The negative IVF cycle was in October 2009.  By February 2010, Allen had decided that maybe it was time to look in to adoption.  I, of course, was trilled!  I had suggested adoption several times to no agreement from my husband.  We had actually always talked about adopting, once we had had our own children first.  I remember that when we were dating there was this one time when we were at his parent’s church during Christmas.  There was this little girl sitting across the aisle from us at a night service. She was precious but filthy...covered in dirt from head to toe.  You could tell that she came from a family that was struggling.  We vowed to each other that night to adopt a child one day.  We wanted to give a child a life that was greater than they could imagine.  We never knew that might be the only chance we would have at parenthood.

So, I did some research and talked to several people I knew that had adopted.  We finally settled on an adoption agency.  Catholic Social Services.  There was an office in Montgomery and I had a friend that I graduated from high school with that had used and been very pleased with them.  We made our first appointment.  I was so so so nervous.  I felt like that first impression was the most important.  I obsessed over what we would wear and what we would say.  In the end, Allen did the best job of explaining why we wanted to be parents.  We met with this nice lady named Jane Blackmon and went home with the application packet.  I spent the next 2 weeks filling out the application.  We also had an appointment with a photographer to have some professional pictures taken to include in the packet.  For some reason, completing the application took longer than it should have.  And before we could figure out why, the reason was laid out before us.  God was moving us…away from our home for the past 3 years.

We put our adoption application on hold until we got settled into our new lives in Ozark, AL.  We were excited about the change; however miss our ZC family very much.  We dove straight in to getting settled as Coach and Mrs. Maness in the Ozark City School System.  We figured we better take some time before sending in our adoption application...besides, we had 2 house payments.  We just didn’t have the money for a child while supporting 2 houses.  We started school in August and enjoyed our new house and “real” pool; and the fact that Allen was not coaching varsity football.  We had no clue that we were about to embark on the greatest roller coaster of our lives.

It all started one weekend in September.  We went to a couples shower for a guy I graduated high school with.  A couple of weeks before the shower, Allen and I both had gotten a sore or two on our bodies.  (Strange, I know.)  Mine was on my toe and elbow and Allen’s was on his shin.  While at the shower, we showed a friend of ours who is a nurse.  She immediately said the sores looked like staff and we needed to go to the doctor sooner than later.  The next day we went to the urgent care center in Troy. (It was Sunday so we didn’t know what else to do…)  The doctor cultured the sores and sent us home with antibiotics.  Before we left the office, the doctor stuck his head back in and said “Oh, I forgot to ask, when was your last menstrual cycle?”  I told him September 12^th.  He charted it and was gone.  Fast forward 5 weeks…Thursday, October 14^th.  I had to run to Wal-Mart after school.  I can’t remember what the trip was for, but I had a strange thought.  “I should buy a pregnancy test.”  It had been exactly 1 year and 1 day since our failed IVF cycle and I had not done a pregnancy test since. (Before the failed IVF cycle, I took a pregnancy test at least every other month in hopes of a miracle baby.)  When I got home, I put the test in the bathroom cabinet and out of my mind.  Our night went on like normal.  We had dinner and hit the sack…pumped that the next day was Friday and excited about the fact that Allen’s parents were coming to spend the weekend with us.

My alarm went off at 5 a.m.  I got up and headed to the bathroom.  I remembered the pregnancy test I had bought the day before.  I decided that it would be a good time to take it since it was morning and “they” say the best time to get accurate results is right when you first wake up.  I took the test and went to the other part of the bathroom to get towels for my shower.  After my towels were in place, I peeked at the test.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Was that 2 pink lines?  My heart stopped!  I didn’t know what to do.  I starred at the second faint pink line for several minutes.  The shower was going and I was naked.  What should I do?  I walked, in a trance, back in to the bedroom…birthday suit and all.  Allen of course was dead to the world.  I climbed in the bed and told him I needed him to look at something.  He rolled over and looked at me like I was crazy.  I lead him to the bathroom, eyes half open.  “Is that 2 pink lines?” I said as I shoved the pregnancy test in his face.  It only took a few seconds for him to realize what was going on.  “I think it is.”, was his response.  BTW...that's the nicest Allen has EVER been to me at 5 o'clock in the morning!  Even nicer than the morning of our PCT.  :)  We both stood there in pure shock.  I don’t remember if there were any emotions other than shock.  I do remember that Allen said we needed a blood test.  Eventually, I had to get in the shower in order to be ready for school in time.  Allen left the bathroom and headed back to bed, or so I thought.  While I was in the shower I formulated a plan.  I would go to school but take off the second half of the day and find a doctor to do the blood test.  When I got out of the shower Allen wasn’t in bed.  He was in the kitchen on the computer looking up accuracy of at home pregnancy tests.  We decided that he would take off the second half of the day too.  We got ready and left for school in a state of pure awe…scheduled to meet back at the house at 11:30 to find a doctor to give us an answer.

When we got home, Allen suggested that I take another home pregnancy test.  He headed outside to wait it out.  I took the test.  It was positive.  Shock was not an element this time.  As soon as I saw the second pink line I raced out the back door to share the news.  “It’s positive!” I shouted.  Allen immediately shouted with excited.  He did the cutest little fist pump and turned and picked me up and spun me around.  I can’t remember a more excited and exhilarating time in my life.  That very moment topped everything that was ever exciting to me…better than coming home to a Mustang when I was about to turn 16, better than winning a National Championship at cheerleading, better than taking off a blindfold to find Allen on one knee with our families in the background, and better than saying “I do” to the man of my dreams.  This was the greatest moment ever…we had conceived a child…a miracle child! 

We left the house headed to an urgent care facility in Ozark to get a blood test.  We ended up waiting for over an hour to get in to see a doctor, only to find out that they did not do blood tests in the office.  He sent us to Dale Medical Center with an order for the blood test.  We headed to the lab.  They did the test and we said we would wait for the results.  The wait seemed like an eternity.  Finally, the lab technician came out of the lab and across the hall to the waiting room where we were.  She had a piece of paper in her hand folded.  Before she gave us the paper she said “I hope these results are what you want.”   I opened the paper and saw positive.  I looked up at her and she nodded her head.  “The pregnancy serum numbers are very low, but you are indeed pregnant.” she said.  Allen broke down in tears which started a chain reaction.  The nurse began to cry and I joined in immediately.  Through tears and a squeaky voice Allen explained to her that we had been waiting for this for a long time.  The nurse hugged us both and told us congratulations.  We left the hospital parents, one of the greatest miracles that God gives his people.  A million thoughts were racing through my mind.  Atop those thoughts was the fact that Allen’s parents were coming to visit and that we were already scheduled to meet my parents for dinner in Troy that night.

Once we left the hospital we headed to Dothan to buy some surprises for our moms to open to find out the news.  We ran around town for 2 or so hours collecting a book and bib for each new grandmother and a picture frame that said “I Love My Aunt” for my sister.  We stopped by our house in Ozark just long enough for me to wrap up the gifts and headed back out the door.  We called Allen’s parents and told them to meet us at my parent’s house.  When we got there, Allen’s parents were already there but my dad wasn’t.  We were about to bust with excitement so I called him and hounded him about hurrying home.  When he walked in the door, we corralled them in the living room and I gave both moms a wrapped gift.  I told them that I saw something that they would both like and I wanted them to open the gifts at the same time.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of my mom and Allen was squared in on his mom.  My mom pulled out the book.  I can’t remember the exact name of the book but it was something like The Big Book of Things to do with Grandma…or something to that effect.  Allen’s mom’s book was Chicken Soup for the Grandmother’s Soul.  My mom looked at me with the same look of shock that I saw on my own face earlier that morning in the bathroom mirror.  “What is this?” mom asked.  Allen’s mom spoke up and asked what this meant.  “We’re pregnant.” is all I had to say.  The tears began to flow.  3 grown women and 3 grown men stood in my parent’s living room with tears of joy flowing and hugging each other.  We eventually joined hands to form a circle and Allen’s dad prayed, thanking God for this miracle.  The rest of the night passed in a blur of pure bliss.  We ate dinner at The Pines where my sister joined us.  After thousands of tears of joy, several phone calls to share the news and goodnight hugs to my parents, we called it a night and headed back to Ozark.  We were finally going to be the parents that God had called us to be.  Life couldn’t be better.