Year 2: The first week of September 2006 I made a doctor’s appointment to see if there might be something keeping us from getting pregnant. I had never had any health problems so they were just going to run a few tests to see if there might be an “easy fix”. Since there was no apparent reason for concern, I went to the doctor’s appointment by myself. Boy was that a mistake. First of all I had to undergo the trauma of a vaginal ultrasound.
(WARNING…If you’re a man and could care less about what a vaginal ultrasound is- you may want to skip the next few sentences.)
I had been through a normal pap smear before so I was prepared for what I thought was about to come. I removed my clothes from the waist down like normal, laid back and assumed the position; heels in the stirrups, knees apart…but then I saw something I had never seen before…”What is that?”, I asked. “It’s the ultrasound wand”, the nurse replied. “Oh, ok…do I need to pull my shirt up so you can get to my belly?” I asked. Silence. “Um, it goes IN your vagina.” said the nurse. Sheer terror filled my entire being! “You’re going to stick that in me!?!” was my reaction. After I calmed down the nurse explained that they needed to look at my uterus and ovaries and make sure everything looked normal. If I had not been driven by my desires of motherhood, I would have hopped off that table and been in my car before I realized I hadn’t put my bottoms back on....A hundred or so vaginal ultrasounds later, it seems like nothing. But the first time was pretty traumatic. The doctor was not in the room; just a woman that looked about my same age whose title was “ultrasound technician”. As she does the ultrasound the images are on a TV mounted in the top left corner of the room. I remember the next few hours like it was yesterday. I had never seen a live ultrasound before so it was all new to me. The screen held black and white images that looked very fuzzy. The ultrasound technician was not very talkative and like always, I was full of questions and concerns. I’m not sure if she is normally a friendly person and was just taken back by what she was seeing or if she would better serve the public sitting in a cubicle without contact to humanity, but it was very awkward for me and her too I presume. The image I was looking at looked like a hard-boiled egg, peeled, and diseased by mold. I again began to panic. “What is that?” I asked. “It’s your ovary.” she responded. “What’s wrong with it? Why does it look like that?” I asked. What she said next it was threw me in to full out panic mode… “Um, I’m not supposed to say. The doctor will have to look at the scans and and give you all the information.”, she said. OK, I’m no doctor, but I knew from what I was seeing on the screen combined with that response that something must be wrong. She finished the ultrasound and I got dressed. My mind was racing. Forget having a baby, I can remember that my first thought was that my insides were corroded with cancer or something. She then escorted me to my doctor’s office…another sign that I must be dying. I mean, who actually sees the for real inside of the their doctor’s office…it had a desk, shelves with pictures of her family, plaques on the wall and 2 chairs across from her desk. Again, had I known what was going to take place that day, I would have brought Allen with me to fill the second chair. Unfortunately for me, I only needed one of those chairs. After sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually probably only about 10-15 minutes, I met Dr. Leslie Gaydos. She was a small woman. Probably 5’2”, 115 pounds. She was a very cute lady, probably in her mid 40s. I actually remember what she was wearing. Stone washed khakis with a cream, crocheted looking shrug over a blouse. She was very kind. She explained that I was not dying, but that I had a severe case of endometriosis. “Endometri-who?” How could that be? I had never had any health problems! She asked lots of questions like if I had irregular menstrual cycles, if I had unbearable cramping during my cycle and if endometriosis ran in my family. No…to everything she asked. I was completely blindsided. I had never even heard of endometriosis. She informed me that I would need to have surgery to remove a large cyst that had formed on my right ovary that should have been causing me lots of pain. She also said she would clean up some of the endometriosis that had been growing in my belly. For those of you that don’t know what endometriosis is or how it works, the best way to explain it is like a spider web. In my case, it was growing on the outside of my uterus and amongst my ovaries. It’s very sticky and was webbing amongst my reproductive organs. As I left the doctor’s office that day I remember calling Allen and him telling me that we should schedule the surgery as soon as possible. (Side note-while I claim to be the “boss” in our house, making most of the decisions, when it comes to our journey of infertility, I just don’t have the strength to do. God knew I needed a man like Allen to experience this life with.) I called the doctor’s office back that afternoon and scheduled the surgery for 2 weeks later. After the surgery, I would need 2 weeks of recovery. Luckily, I had just that much time of sick leave. That first surgery was rough. I had never been put to sleep before or been cut on. The surgery was called a laparoscopy, which meant they would cut 3 small holes in my belly with a laser and remove the cyst and endometriosis. In order to see what they were doing, they would fill my belly with gas and insert a small camera in one of the holes, a suction tube in another and a laser in the last. The surgery was a success and I got to go home the same day. Very minimal scaring or pain from the incisions and they got all the bad tissue. What made the surgery “rough” was the gas. Who knew that filling a belly with gas could be so painful? I cried every night for the first week. I was miserable but determined more than ever to do whatever it took to become a mommy. As far as I was concerned, I was now only months away.
(WARNING…If you’re a man and could care less about what a vaginal ultrasound is- you may want to skip the next few sentences.)
I had been through a normal pap smear before so I was prepared for what I thought was about to come. I removed my clothes from the waist down like normal, laid back and assumed the position; heels in the stirrups, knees apart…but then I saw something I had never seen before…”What is that?”, I asked. “It’s the ultrasound wand”, the nurse replied. “Oh, ok…do I need to pull my shirt up so you can get to my belly?” I asked. Silence. “Um, it goes IN your vagina.” said the nurse. Sheer terror filled my entire being! “You’re going to stick that in me!?!” was my reaction. After I calmed down the nurse explained that they needed to look at my uterus and ovaries and make sure everything looked normal. If I had not been driven by my desires of motherhood, I would have hopped off that table and been in my car before I realized I hadn’t put my bottoms back on....A hundred or so vaginal ultrasounds later, it seems like nothing. But the first time was pretty traumatic. The doctor was not in the room; just a woman that looked about my same age whose title was “ultrasound technician”. As she does the ultrasound the images are on a TV mounted in the top left corner of the room. I remember the next few hours like it was yesterday. I had never seen a live ultrasound before so it was all new to me. The screen held black and white images that looked very fuzzy. The ultrasound technician was not very talkative and like always, I was full of questions and concerns. I’m not sure if she is normally a friendly person and was just taken back by what she was seeing or if she would better serve the public sitting in a cubicle without contact to humanity, but it was very awkward for me and her too I presume. The image I was looking at looked like a hard-boiled egg, peeled, and diseased by mold. I again began to panic. “What is that?” I asked. “It’s your ovary.” she responded. “What’s wrong with it? Why does it look like that?” I asked. What she said next it was threw me in to full out panic mode… “Um, I’m not supposed to say. The doctor will have to look at the scans and and give you all the information.”, she said. OK, I’m no doctor, but I knew from what I was seeing on the screen combined with that response that something must be wrong. She finished the ultrasound and I got dressed. My mind was racing. Forget having a baby, I can remember that my first thought was that my insides were corroded with cancer or something. She then escorted me to my doctor’s office…another sign that I must be dying. I mean, who actually sees the for real inside of the their doctor’s office…it had a desk, shelves with pictures of her family, plaques on the wall and 2 chairs across from her desk. Again, had I known what was going to take place that day, I would have brought Allen with me to fill the second chair. Unfortunately for me, I only needed one of those chairs. After sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually probably only about 10-15 minutes, I met Dr. Leslie Gaydos. She was a small woman. Probably 5’2”, 115 pounds. She was a very cute lady, probably in her mid 40s. I actually remember what she was wearing. Stone washed khakis with a cream, crocheted looking shrug over a blouse. She was very kind. She explained that I was not dying, but that I had a severe case of endometriosis. “Endometri-who?” How could that be? I had never had any health problems! She asked lots of questions like if I had irregular menstrual cycles, if I had unbearable cramping during my cycle and if endometriosis ran in my family. No…to everything she asked. I was completely blindsided. I had never even heard of endometriosis. She informed me that I would need to have surgery to remove a large cyst that had formed on my right ovary that should have been causing me lots of pain. She also said she would clean up some of the endometriosis that had been growing in my belly. For those of you that don’t know what endometriosis is or how it works, the best way to explain it is like a spider web. In my case, it was growing on the outside of my uterus and amongst my ovaries. It’s very sticky and was webbing amongst my reproductive organs. As I left the doctor’s office that day I remember calling Allen and him telling me that we should schedule the surgery as soon as possible. (Side note-while I claim to be the “boss” in our house, making most of the decisions, when it comes to our journey of infertility, I just don’t have the strength to do. God knew I needed a man like Allen to experience this life with.) I called the doctor’s office back that afternoon and scheduled the surgery for 2 weeks later. After the surgery, I would need 2 weeks of recovery. Luckily, I had just that much time of sick leave. That first surgery was rough. I had never been put to sleep before or been cut on. The surgery was called a laparoscopy, which meant they would cut 3 small holes in my belly with a laser and remove the cyst and endometriosis. In order to see what they were doing, they would fill my belly with gas and insert a small camera in one of the holes, a suction tube in another and a laser in the last. The surgery was a success and I got to go home the same day. Very minimal scaring or pain from the incisions and they got all the bad tissue. What made the surgery “rough” was the gas. Who knew that filling a belly with gas could be so painful? I cried every night for the first week. I was miserable but determined more than ever to do whatever it took to become a mommy. As far as I was concerned, I was now only months away.
Fast forward a couple of months to mid-December 2006. It was a Sunday night and like most Sunday nights, Allen and I had retreated to our bedroom early to watch TV…and ok…try to make a baby. J After we um…well you know…I began having sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I called my mom because I was in so much pain and she said maybe my insides were still just tender from my surgery 3 months before. She recommended I take a pain pill, put a heating pad on my stomach and try to get some sleep. The pain pill worked and I was out in no time. The next morning I got up at 6 o’clock or so like normal, went in the bathroom and cut the shower on. I stripped down to get in the shower and the next thing I remember was lying on the floor in my birthday suit calling out for Allen. He rushed in…well; more like stumbled in, and found me on the floor. He picked me up and took me to the bed. We called my mom and the doctor. The doctor said to come in when they open at 8 o’clock and mom said she would be there in 2 hours…the time it takes to get from Troy, AL to Dawson, GA minus 30 minutes or so. You gotta love moms! We had been waiting in the waiting room for about an hour or so before mom had seen me in pain long enough. She found a nurse and insisted they take me back. If you’re a part of my family, you will understand the statement that “the Hobbs came out of her”. After Dr. Gaydos examined me she admitted me to the hospital and said that I needed surgery ASAP. The cyst that she had removed in September had come back “with a vengeance” were her exact words. This time surgery would not be outpatient and would not be done laproscopically. She had to cut me like a C-section and I spent 3 nights in the hospital. Also, during this surgery Dr. Gaydos “wrapped” my ovaries in a gauze like tissue to keep them from “sticking” together. On top of everything, Allen was right in the middle of basketball season. Mom and dad ended up staying the entire week and mom stayed with me in the hospital while dad and Allen made 2 trips to basketball games. Luckily, it was the last week of school before Christmas break. I can’t remember exactly how my semester exams were given but my LCHS family took care of everything…one reason LCHS is my favorite school that I have taught at. The staff there truly was like family to me! I recovered remarkably well from this surgery. Everyone was amazed at how quick my recovery was in comparison to the first surgery. I truly think the gas from the first surgery is what was so painful! As crazy as it sounds, after being through both surgeries, I actually recommend being cut over a laparoscopy, even though I do have a smiley face scar from the second surgery. :)
After the second surgery, Dr. Gaydos recommended that I take Lupron injections (the first of many dreaded fertility shots) for a couple of months to shut my reproductive system down and allow for a full and complete recovery. Lupron is a medication that puts your body in a temporary menopause like state….including ALL the wonderful menopause side effects. I took 2 injections total, one in January and one in February. Of course in the south during the winter months most people have their thermostats set to 70 degrees or so. At 252 Pecan Street in Dawson, GA the thermostat stayed between 55 and 60 degrees! The hot flashes were unbearable! I would have to blow dry my hair in phases before school each morning. It would be below freezing outside and the sweat pure poured off of me. Pour Allen almost lost fingers and toes to frostbite. And the hot flashes weren’t the only side effect. More than once I had to remind myself…and Allen…to be nice. All in all, Lupron is NOT something I would suggest to anyone. I cannot see where it helped us in reaching our goal of becoming parents. Along with the Lupron, Dr. Gaydos also recommended that we see a Fertility Specialist. A girl I knew in Dawson had just had a baby from IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) so I got the name of her doctor and did some research. His name was Dr. Samuel Brown and he was practicing in Jacksonville, FL when he treated her. I liked everything I read about Dr. Brown and talked with a couple more people who used and loved him. By the time we were ready to meet with him in February; he had moved and joined a practice in Orlando, FL. We planned a trip to Orlando for a random Wednesday in the middle of February. We worked Tuesday and made the 7 hour trip that night. When we got to Orlando we checked in to our hotel and ate at The Cheesecake Factory…the first of our many traditional trips to my new favorite restaurant. I was so anxious to meet the famous Dr. Brown. We got up the next morning and had only a short drive to his office. I was very disappointed after our meeting to say the least… The disappointment began as soon as we pulled in to the parking lot. The office was in an old yellow brick building in what looked to be the “hood” of Orlando. Not the uppity, high class place that you expect to see when you are facing paying thousands of dollars in treatments. I also was not impressed with Dr. Brown’s bedside manner. He was not rude, just matter of fact. Not that I need someone to sugarcoat anything for me…it’s just that when I’m considering paying you lots of money and putting my future family in your hands, I kind of expect a little courtesy. Just sayin’. J Two things that we did take away from our visit with Dr. Brown were that we should stop the misery of Lupron injections and that we needed to further explore all the options of fertility treatments before jumping in head first. And so we did…
Believe it or not, years 3 and 4 are really a blur to me. When I first started this journey and would talk to people who had been where we were it always blew me away when they would say that couldn’t actually remember everything they had taken or every procedure they had done. “You have to be kidding me!” I thought. “Spending all that money and trying so hard to start a family and you can’t remember? No wonder you can’t have children! If you can’t remember all it took to get them, maybe you don’t deserve them.” Man, I was so naïve! The next section of this blog (Years 3 & 4) is a recap of what I do remember…maybe not in the correct order but it’s the best I can do.
I have had a cyst on my ovary burst before when I was still in college. I was home by myself and thought my appendix had ruptured. I also had the "wand" (as I refer to it) ackward experience. I was alone too and I am understand how you felt.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend that had the ovary surgery and they put her on Lupron and she HATED it!
Thanks for sharing!