The Journey That Defines Us (Part 1 of 6)

Without further ado...

That's right, I have finally concluded the blog I have raved about since last December.  For the next 6 days leading up to June 28th (Baby Cam's due date) I will be opening our lives to you and sharing our journey through infertility.  Several day's blogs are pretty lengthy.  I apologize up front for that...but let's face it...if you get tired of reading...you can just stop.  :)  Writing this series of blogs has been very therapeutic for me and I hope it will entertain you and enlighten you in to the dark world that so many couples face.  Infertility is not just a word; its a disease and it effects more people than we realize.  These blogs will take you on a roller coaster.  Some stories are very humorous, while others are the heart wrenching truth to life...in the end I hope you will not "feel sorry" for us, but will be more aware of the journey we are on...not just our journey, but the journey of 1 in 7 couples.  I hope you enjoy.

The Journey That Defines Us

Monday, September 5, 2005; the day that I finally convinced Allen to add to our little family.  We had been married for a little over a year by then. I’d wanted to have a baby since day 1 but Allen needed to take some time before becoming a dad.  It was Labor Day and we were out of school.  We lived in Dawson, GA and were renting a little house on Randolph Avenue.  I remember sitting on the back patio and just casually talking about becoming parents.  I wasn’t begging as I had done several times prior…we were simply talking…and out of the blue, he said he was ready.  Just like that.  Allen was teaching elementary PE at the time and had a little girl in Kindergarten named Sara Beth Hobbs.  She was the most beautiful little girl; dark skin, dark hair full of curls and the most beautiful big eyes.  She had captured his heart.  One day I will have to look her up and thank her for turning his heart from that of a man to the heart of a dad.  We had taken the tradition route of a newly married couple and been taking birth control to prevent a surprise baby.  I had not taken my pill that day so we tried to make a baby right then, fully expecting to have our own little Sara Beth in 9 months….and so the journey began.

Year 1:  We (especially Allen) loved trying to make a baby!  We had several “date nights” and bought tons of pregnancy tests.  As I mentioned, we lived in Dawson, GA at the time and had made some really good friends.  The two couples that we considered our closest friends were Jeff and Julie Hanner and Ryan and Mary Powell.  Jeff and Julie had been married the same amount of time as us and Ryan and Mary were newly married.  We spent lots of nights hanging out with the Hanners and Powells; or Srennahs and Llewops as we called them.  We were all part of the same club.  In case you’re wondering what club that is…it’s the “we want a baby and can’t have one club”.  Membership is not fun and the dues are REALLY expensive!  Although membership in this unfortunate club is often painful and always expensive, it tends to bond people together for life!  Fortunately Ryan and Mary have been blessed with two beautiful children; Jeff and Julie, like us, are still in the preparing stages of parenthood.  Julie was and still is a huge inspiration to me when it comes to infertility.  Since she is a little older than me (I won’t mention how much older Jules!  Lol!), they went straight in to exploring all the options of infertility.  This was a benefit to me because anytime I was about to undergo a new treatment she had already been through it.  It’s always nice to have a friend who knows how you feel and to tell you what to expect.  For all the women who are a part of our club, you’ll understand this next statement.  My husband was and is always VERY sympathetic to my needs and feelings; he just does not and cannot understand laying on a table, legs spread and strapped apart, and a stranger visiting your “not-so-private-anymore” parts.  No matter where life takes us or how much time passes between our conversations, Julie will always be one of the few people who I have shared every part of my life with.  She is a very special person and I love her very much! 

So, concluding year 1 of our club membership, we began to become curious about why we were not yet parents.  The desire to become parents was on overdrive and I started to want a child more and more out of fear that it seemed I would never be a mom.